How to stop drinking:

This is in no way medical or professional advice, just personal experience. 

Five months ago, I gave up alcohol. March 24, to be exact. I can give you the exact date that I gave up alcohol for two reasons: 1) I have an app on my phone that tracks my sober streak like a game and 2) the night before was the last day at my previous company. I didn’t get fired for my drinking or for any exciting and dramatic reason. I was leaving for another company and had planned my leaving drinks for that Thursday night. 

It wasn’t even one of the craziest nights I’ve had. Nor was it one of the drunkest. In fact, it was an extremely mild and average evening. But it was the tipping point. I got drunker than I’d planned or wanted to. I said things that I wish I’d kept private. I felt like I didn’t have control of having just one more. And the nauseating hangover that wasted my next day was just the cherry on top. 

I’d been toying with the idea of sobriety for a while, but up until then, it had seemed so impractical. Me? Sober? I’m not an alcoholic! I’m young, I live in a big city, I want to connect with my friends and meet new people. I’m going to be missing out on my youth before I have kids. I’m an adult that splits a bottle with girlfriends at dinner. I’m an adult that gets cocktails with coworkers at cool happy hours. I’m an adult that has a glass of red wine in her hand at home. I don’t have a problem.

I don’t have a problem. I don’t have a problem. Maybe I have a problem. Sobriety sounds scary. Sobriety is scary. Sobriety is scary because it’s being honest with yourself. Sobriety is raw. Sobriety is hard. 

I became sober because I decided to be honest with myself. I didn’t know how to socialize without alcohol in my blood. I wasn’t able to stop at one very easily. Alcohol was giving me permission to hide from my problems, to hide from my life. I used alcohol to numb myself. I used alcohol to avoid a painful confrontation of who I really was. 

You don’t have to be living on the streets or drinking margaritas at 9AM to realize that your relationship with alcohol isn’t healthy, or to admit that alcohol has more control over you than you do over it. It isn’t shameful to admit. But it is scary. Because learning to live without alcohol is learning to live a completely different life. 

You will have to learn to say no. You will have to learn to be confident in the deepest meaning of confidence (keeping promises you’ve made to yourself; caring more about what you think than what others think). You will have to learn to embrace awkward silences. You will have to learn how to squash the butterflies and say hi first. You will have to learn when to leave the party, rather than letting your drunkenness keep you until you’re about to pass out. You will have to learn how to dance like an idiot at a wedding. You will have to learn how to feel your emotions. You will have to learn how to have serious conversations. You will have to learn how to live. 

Tips for staying sober that I’ve learned along the way: 

1. Use the “I am Sober” app to keep track of how many days you’ve been sober, even if you’re not in AA.
2. Google celebrities and successful people that are sober and be surprised how cool they are. Few of them are ex-rock stars who went through rehab. Many have chosen sobriety for the edge it gives them at being successful.
3. Read about all the health benefits of not drinking. Re-read on tough days. 
4. But don’t focus only on the physical benefits. Though there are many (less risk of cancer, better skin, healthier gut…), depending on how much you drank, you might not see much of a difference on the outside right away, and using it as the only motivator could backfire. Honestly, my skin is the same as it used to be. I didn’t lose any weight. I have no idea if I would have gotten cancer if I continued to drink or not.
5. Listen to podcasts about not drinking ( Suggestion 1 , Suggestion 2 )
6. Pat yourself on the back when you wake up hangover-free. But don’t expect anyone else to pat you on the back. 
7. Admit that some days it’s hard. 
8. Leave events early if you have to. 
9. Leave events early if you want to.
10. Leave events early because in reality, you won’t miss anything after 10PM.
11. Learn how to politely decline invitations on days where you don’t have the willpower to politely decline a drink. 
12. But still go to events. Don’t assume that there’s no point if you’re not going to drink. You can still have a great time even if you don’t stay til 4AM.
13. Practice saying “No thanks” and “I’m good for now” without an explanation.  
14. When that martini is calling, remind yourself how sick you felt during your last hangover. 
15. Find fun, non-alcoholic options to order at bars. Most pubs and restaurants have at least a few adult NA options in their own section on the menu. I promise you won’t be stuck drinking Diet Coke if you just look through the menu. 
16. Alcohol-free beer is generally pretty good. Erdinger Alkoholfrei is top tier. So is Brulo.
17. Alcohol-free wine and prosecco is getting there and worth a try. 
18. Seedlip, Pentire, MotherRoot are all complex “apertifs” (article here with reviews of some more NA options). 
19. No one cares that you’re not drinking. If they do care, they aren’t your people, so why would you let them peer pressure you into having a drink?
20. Some people might be honestly interested though. Be open to explaining your choice to them (if you are comfortable doing so). You’d be surprised how many other people have been curious about becoming sober themselves! 
21. People that you used to drink with might be confused, and your relationship with them may change. For the ones you care about, try brunch or lunch or other activities that wouldn’t normally include alcohol with them first. Don’t immediately put yourself in situations where you used to drink with them. Ease yourself into going to dinner or the pub with them once you know how to hang out with them sober. 
22. Get off your sober high horse. You are not holier-than-thou for not drinking when your friends are. You are only holier-than-your-past-self. 
23. Find other hobbies! I realized that alcohol was one of my main hobbies. I literally used it when I was bored. You will have to try a lot of different things to fill the time that you used to spend drinking or being hungover. 
24. Don’t replace alcohol with social media.   
25. Try things that you thought you could only do if you were drunk. You can network sober. You can relax sober. You can dance to EDM sober. And it is 1000000x more fun and freeing. 
26. Push yourself past the uncomfortable moment when you really want a drink. You can do it!! 
27. Remember when you were drunk how you just assumed everyone else was on the same level as you? Use this to your advantage. Remind yourself that most drunk people just assume everyone around them is also drunk. So don’t worry about being judged. Embody the same freedom and carefree attitude that you had when you used alcohol. 
28. Reach out to a professional for help if you need to. 
29. Don’t worry about being sober forever. Just focus on today. 

If you are struggling with alcohol, please contact a professional for help.